i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
