I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I forget how to act sober
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
