the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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