i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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