He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
