He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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