u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
