Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
