Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
