Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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