just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She said her name was "party"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sext me about skeletons
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
