Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
