I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
