My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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