first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
