Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
