i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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