When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
