I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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