I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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