your room smells of hookers.
And success
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
