in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
