we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
