i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
