I faked an abortion last night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
