I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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