Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
