It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
