I wish I could punch you in the face.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
