Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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