Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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