Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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