i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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