when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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