i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
