the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
