woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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