i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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