I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
