My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
