i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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