I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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