Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
