I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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