he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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