So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
