The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize