ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
These tits shall not be calmed
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
