I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
