Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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