I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
