Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
