You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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