I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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