he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
