this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
