He kissed a someone with a penis
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
