We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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