Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
