Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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