i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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