Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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