oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
