The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
