this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
