He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
