If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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