I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
