you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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